So I decided to rediscover tumblr for myself. I felt like this place was dying but seems as though tumblr is still living on so I decided to stay on the train.
I wish things were different. Like only a little bit different. I wish my brother or his wife could see this but would they understand my feelings? I don’t know. A lot has happened. I haven’t seen or heard from my brother in what feels like years. And unfortunately, years might be correct.
So the time i have had to ponder the situation, that is to be not described because it would be too long and emotional, I have come to this:
one: There were faults on both sides
two: everyone was hurt
three: maybe everyone is still hurt deep down inside
I know that I am hurt. I hated to see my parents go through something like this.
Another thing that I believe to be a problem was that my brother, although ~21 years old didn’t know my parents as well as he thought he did.
And that is not a criticism but just an observation. My mother says a lot of things, sometimes she doesn’t mean them. Or she is just being mean. But I have learned to ignore that.
I think that’s what got my brother. He took her too literally even though i know he didn’t take my parents that seriously. Although my brother was more of the wild card compared to me, I know they trusted him enough.
Because of what i witnessed I was pissed. I was done with my brother.
But now that time has passed and i have thought about things I just wished we could all forget about everything. Just have my brother’s family (His wife and son) meet at a neutral place with my parents. And just say “Hey, it’s been a while” “How are you” “This is the new addition to the family”
Ya know, I never told my brother this, but since he is my only sibling I always looked forward to being an Aunt. I am just sad that I can’t fulfill that duty. I used to think “what if he doesn’t have kids? Then I can’t be an Aunt.”
Hopefully someday there can be a settled peace.
i know one side has forgiven, forgotten (for the most part forgotten) but I wish both sides could.
I will see in the future what happens…
Do you just ever want to delete a memory from your mind.
It’s not that i regret anything that i did but I just wish i could erase it.
I spent a good amount of hours with friends, but a couple more people joined the “party” and then it was kinda weird.
Again i don’t regret it but it was just AWKWARD
It wasn’t my crowd. well it was honestly one person that showed up that made it not my crowd.
Then i look more into it.
It was me a girl and a guy. We were hanging out, and I was thinking.
"Oh no, this guy texted another guy because he felt awkward or something,
So yeah- this probably didn’t make sense. But it was just on my mind
I want to delete it. I don’t think about this memory all the time, but it’s just painful.
It hurts muh BRAIN!