I wish things were different. Like only a little bit different. I wish my brother or his wife could see this but would they understand my feelings? I don’t know. A lot has happened. I haven’t seen or heard from my brother in what feels like years. And unfortunately, years might be correct. 

So the time i have had to ponder the situation, that is to be not described because it would be too long and emotional, I have come to this:

one: There were faults on both sides

two: everyone was hurt

three: maybe everyone is still hurt deep down inside

I know that I am hurt. I hated to see my parents go through something like this.

Another thing that I believe to be a problem was that my brother, although ~21 years old didn’t know my parents as well as he thought he did. 

And that is not a criticism but just an observation. My mother says a lot of things, sometimes she doesn’t mean them. Or she is just being mean. But I have learned to ignore that. 

I think that’s what got my brother. He took her too literally even though i know he didn’t take my parents that seriously. Although my brother was more of the wild card compared to me, I know they trusted him enough. 

Because of what i witnessed I was pissed. I was done with my brother.

But now that time has passed and i have thought about things I just wished we could all forget about everything. Just have my brother’s family (His wife and son) meet at a neutral place with my parents. And just say “Hey, it’s been a while” “How are you” “This is the new addition to the family”

Ya know, I never told my brother this, but since he is my only sibling I always looked forward to being an Aunt. I am just sad that I can’t fulfill that duty. I used to think “what if he doesn’t have kids? Then I can’t be an Aunt.” 

Hopefully someday there can be a settled peace.

i know one side has forgiven, forgotten (for the most part forgotten) but I wish both sides could.

I will see in the future what happens…

Do you just ever want to delete a memory from your mind.

It’s not that i regret anything that i did but I just wish i could erase it.

I spent a good amount of hours with friends, but a couple more people joined the “party” and then it was kinda weird.

Again i don’t regret it but it was just AWKWARD

It wasn’t my crowd. well it was honestly one person that showed up that made it not my crowd.

Then i look more into it.

It was me a girl and a guy. We were hanging out, and I was thinking.

“Oh no, this guy texted another guy because he felt awkward or something,

So yeah- this probably didn’t make sense. But it was just on my mind

I want to delete it. I don’t think about this memory all the time, but it’s just painful. 

It hurts muh BRAIN!

I hate that ,those of my friends and family who know i like k-pop (Korean pop music), they think that i am OBSESSED with PSY and his Gangnam Style. I am not. I like a lot of other groups or solo artists other than PSY. He isn’t even one of my favorites, not that i dislike him or anything. I wouldn’t have even known about him if he didn’t make a comeback with Gangnam Style. 

I Think it is awesome that PSY is reaching so much success in the states and in other countries. And i encourage it. I think he is doing a good job, but let’s not lie. It’s his music video that boosted such success in the States. It was definitively our kind of humor visually.

Anyway I just wanted to rant because it does bother me that some of my close friends and my parents think that I am obsessed with PSY or something. I hardly talk about him. And when i did talk about him the most was when he first came out with Gangnam style, before he totally blew up in the states. So there…